The 21st Century Princess

Growing up reading Fairy tales like Snow white, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast etc, one thinks that life could be perfect for a woman if only she could find a "Prince Charming" who would treat her like a “princess” and fill her world with happiness.

A small house with a beautiful garden and lovely children and a peaceful life is a majority of our dreams of isn't it?

Or maybe, some superhero that rescues a damsel in distress and takes her out of the clutches of some tyrant or evil personality?

 Reality is the entire opposite, there is no such thing as a “Fairy Tale” in real life, only when a girl grows up and becomes a woman she realises that not everybody gets to live happily ever after. The twenty first century married woman is faced with many challenges and Obstacles in her life; rarely does she find a Man who turns out to be the ideal husband. No matter what part of the world a woman belongs to, regardless of her faith, cast, creed or ethnicity she still remains a “woman”.

We all have been assigned gender specific roles and responsibilities either by the society or by our faith. Sometimes you enjoy being a girl and sometimes it feels like a punishment. We all know many Women who in their life love doing things like Cooking, baking, knitting, sewing, or enjoy being a home maker and bringing up the next generation. Some consider these things as a chore while others enjoy it. But every woman likes to be pampered and spoiled every now and then either by her father before she gets married or by her husband after she gets married. The main thing is that we don’t really mind doing things around the house or outside the house as long as our needs are being met and we receive the love, respect and appreciation that we deserve as human beings. But even after putting all the efforts in a relationship and doing everything we can to make it work; by trying to please the other half and in some cases the package that comes along with the other half (commonly known as in-laws). If still we don’t get appreciated or treated like a second class citizen and in some cases even worse than a slave, then we question ourselves,” Do I deserve this? Is this what I waited for all my life? What did I do to end up like this?

Do you ever wish you were never born or not born a Girl at all? Do you feel times have changed and things are not the same as they used to be? Is this world even worth living in?

Everyone loves being a girl when it comes to being surrounded by pretty things or hanging out with ones best buddies. In the end of the day what matters most is the fact that we like being around those who love us and things we love, after all women are but emotional beings. Now this "love" could be for anything or anyone....for some people they love books and reading tens to bring a great deal of pleasure, For some girls they love shopping, dressing up, whilst others find peace and tranquillity by doing something rewarding or indulging in something spiritual. Happiness as they say is a state of mind, but even if one is surrounded by beautiful things, living luxurious life happiness is not a certainty. I have seen so many women who seem to have everything in the world but still there is no peace of mind, no contentment, no mirth. Only to find out that their relationship with their life partner or husband (aka soul mate) is not a good one, definitely not the type one needs to be a happy bunny.

Being rich or poor, beautiful or unattractive is no guarantee of having a happy content life. But there is one thing that definitely keeps most women happy, and that is to have a soul mate that understands her, respects her, loves her and fulfils his responsibilities as a husband. Regardless of his being tall or short, rich or poor etc etc.

Islamically speaking any woman could live like a princess and would have a long lasting healthy and fruitful relationship if only a man would do what he has been assigned to do. Respect a woman!

The Holy Prophet of Islam said that if a man expresses his love to a woman, she never forgets that.

He also said: “Nobody respects women but those who are dignified and generous and nobody insults them but those who are mean and contemptible."

The more the religion of Islam stresses upon the good treatment of women whether she is ones wife, daughter, sister or mother the more disrespecting of women we witness on a daily basis around the world.

The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) addressing the Muslims on the occasion of the farewell Pilgrimage, warned them against the values which he feared would be neglected after him, and referred to woman as one of the important issues about whom he said:

"Observe your duty to Allah in respect to the women, and treat them well."

Forget about fulfilling their duties, as a Muslim man towards a Muslim woman or treating a woman well. These days or hundreds of year ago the same thing has been going on. Mistreating a woman, whether in a public place or within the four walls of her house. Some men do it on individual basis, whereas other prefers to do it in a group with other men. Whether its rape or honour killings, domestic abuse or oppressive rituals & traditions. The purpose is always the same "mistreatment of a woman". The complete opposite of the “Prophetic traditions”

Another saying of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him and his Holy Progeny) is: "The most perfect believers are the best in conduct and best of you are those, who are best to their wives.

and 

"Treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers"

Now imagine if every man on this planet was good to his wife in his behaviour, attitude and nature. Wouldn't this world be worth living!! Honestly how many men have you seen in your lives who are really good, caring and considerate husbands? A few maybe..so few in number that one can literally count them on their finger tips. If they can't be good husbands, I’m sure they can' be very good responsible fathers to their children either, well in most cases they aren't.

The messenger of Allah said: "Whoever marries a woman for her glory, Allah will not increase his, but will bring him humiliation; whoever marries her for her wealth, Allah will not increase his, but place him in poverty; whoever marries her for her ancestral claims, Allah will not increase his, but in meanness; whoever marries a woman for nothing but to cast down his eyes, guard his private parts, and join a relationship, Allah will bless him through her and vice versa." 

Again how many men have you actually come across in your life or in the lives of those around you, who follow the criteria actually given in Islam for choosing a spouse in real life? No one I know to be honest.

No matter how ugly and revolting a man is, when it comes to selecting a wife he wants the most beautiful, pretty looking girl. Similarly how good for nothing he must be, he wants a wife who is an expert in everything, whether its cooking/baking, sewing/stitching, driving and the list goes on. I have even seen men who are mere couch potatoes, all they have done in their miserable little life is watched TV, played games on PS etc or simply glued to their gadgets or computer screen (doing absolutely nothing worthwhile) but still they demand their wife to do all the household chores, bring up their children, run the errands, entertain his guests or relatives who come to visit unexpectedly (always near dinner time) and of course earn a living as well, because he won't support her financially.

The Holy Qur'an speaks of the equality of the two sexes in various verses. In one place it says:

"...and women have rights similar to those against them in a just manner,..." (Holy Qur’an, 2:228).

The man is suppose to help with the household chores and Islamically he cannot demand his wife to cook, clean or do anything around the house for him unless she herself wants to do it. But in real life we see the opposite, the woman is expected to enter her husband’s house as a new bride with a magic wand. Someone who is expected to carry out all the household chores, whereas the man does not even has to lift a finger. Although in Islamic history we have witnessed that Prophet and his holy household helped around the house.

 Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: "Ameerul Momineen used to collect firewood, took water out of the well, and swept the house, while Lady Fatima (a.s) milled the wheat, kneaded the flour and baked bread."

So why do men feel ashamed in washing their own clothes, doing the dishes, cooking food, doing the grocery shopping and getting up their back side to get a glass of water or making their own tea?? why???

Another verse of the Qur'an says

'Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Truly Allah is Cognizant of what they do.' (Holy Qur’an, 24:30).

But no way can a woman speak about her rights, the minute she opens her mouth she is either labelled as a feminist/rebel or someone who lacks respect or does not know how to compromise or adjust in the society. 

I have personally experienced and heard this from many other girls that despite wearing hijab and being modestly dressed they still get stared at by men. Not just in Asia but many other countries around the world, Most men have a serious problem with lowering down their gaze, infact in some parts of the world that I have travelled men actually stare at women as if they have never seen a female homosapian in their pathetic life before. Women are surrounded by these perverts everywhere, whether it’s  a bus top, or a train station, an educational institution or public place. The gaze can be felt everywhere, sometimes you also get to hear humiliating and indecent comments from passer-bys or people on the road sides. In short these sick in the head men are everywhere. All one feels is an urge to hit them where it hurts most or wish they get struck by lightning.

Abi Saeed al-Khidri narrates that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said:

"'Beware of sitting on roadsides.' Then some of his companions asked him,. 'Oh Messenger of Allah! We cannot stop these meetings on roadsides where we talk about different matters.' The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said, 'If you refuse but to stop having such meetings, then you should give the road its rights.'

"They asked him, 'What are the rights of the road?' He said, 'To cast down your eyes; to forbear harms to others; to reply to salutation,. to enjoin what is right and to forbid what is wrong.

The harsh reality of life is that life is not a fairy tale and just because one was treated like a princess by her father in her maternal home, doesn't mean she will be treated like a princess by her husband as well. As someone once said that a man who treats his woman like a princess is a proof that he has been born and raised in the arms of a queen.

Well I say that when it comes to upbringing a child it’s not just the mother who plays a big role in his character and personality formation but also the father. Infact in many cases I have seen that men tend to behave in the same manner as their fathers behaved with their partners. The other day I read a quote "If you want your wife to be an angel, give her a heaven first, because angels don't live in Hell".

In the end of the day no matter how unjust one is towards a woman and how bad he treats her, he might get away with this kind of unacceptable behaviour and attitude in this world but definitely not in the hereafter. Although most oppressors and male chauvinists shall get what they deserve, soon in this world.

As Imam Ali has said "One who draws the sword of injustice is killed by it"

In Islam status and position of a woman is quite high, whether she is a daughter, sister, mother or wife.

 So if you don't know how treat a princess don't go near one!

Remember all the stories you read/heard in your childhood, whether it was Cinderella, Snow white, Sleeping Beauty or Rapunzel. They all had a similar past where they were oppressed, tortured, deceived or imprisoned had to go through a difficult period before they finally met "the one".

Right??

So don't worry, look at the bright side, there is hope, so do not despair.

As Allah says in the Quran: "...So truly with difficulty comes ease."